Can You Change Your Behavior From Toxic to Healthy?
Can people change toxic behavior patterns?
That’s not an easy question to answer. When you’re in a toxic relationship with friends, family, or even a toxic work environment, it’s tempting to hold out hope for things to change. But you can find emotional health and safety by focusing on changing your behavior pattern instead. People are capable of change, but many people don’t make the changes they need to make and until they do, they can do a lot of emotional damage to others. They may have the ability to grow, but some stay stuck or even get worse. You only have the power to change your own behaviors and patterns. You can’t change other people, and it’s not your responsibility to wait for that change to happen. By working on your own change process, you may inspire other people, but more importantly, you will be working towards living a healthier life.
Defining what’s toxic
Toxicity can exist in any relationship. It can even exist in professional environments, for example, when there is constant unresolved conflict between the employees. When a situation is toxic, it can feel exhausting and overwhelming. There may be a never-ending feeling of dread or the need to avoid and escape without knowing how to get out. Sometimes, the situation feels good, but underneath that is usually the fear of what’s going to happen next. Toxic situations can take a toll on you physically or emotionally. They can lead to burnout and compassion fatigue and negatively impact your mental wellness. You might have a hard time eating, sleeping, or just feeling good about yourself. These types of relationships can result in co-dependency and low self-esteem. Learning to spot behaviors and patterns that are harmful to you emotionally or physically can help you decide what is okay for you, and what is not.
Taking steps to change your behavior pattern
Recognize warning signs- toxic people and situations usually have a pattern. When you learn the pattern you can prepare how to respond.
Set boundaries – identify what your personal boundaries are and then practice how to enforce them without apology. For example, you may have to figure out when and how to say no. Working with a therapist can help you create healthier boundaries so that you are able to focus on your needs.
Know your own limits- similar to boundaries; it’s important to honor what you feel comfortable with and don’t. If you’re uncomfortable but feel you can’t speak up, that may signify that the situation is unhealthy.
Create an exit plan – it may not always be possible to leave an unhealthy situation. Create a plan that is realistic and safe.
Find supports and allies – you may have natural supporters in your life, or you may need to invest in getting support from someone objective to help you take action.
Don’t be silent – when dealing with stressful situations, it can seem like no one will listen. Staying quiet can do even more harm because others may not know that you need help.
Learn to control your responses – learning how and when to respond to negative situations is empowering. Therapy can help you learn ways to stay calm or to deal with the emotions that you are having.
Realize that it’s not just you – you may second guess yourself or worry that you are overreacting, but if the situation doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t avoid what you feel because, most times, it will not get better and will likely worsen.
Let go of the guilt – people stay in toxic personal and professional situations for lots of reasons. You may feel guilty about leaving, but you can learn ways to deal with those feelings and anything else that may be keeping you from moving forward.
Put yourself first – your well-being matters. Being able to walk away from an unhealthy situation is a way of changing your behavior pattern. It’s an important way to practice self-love and build confidence.
The value of changing your behavior pattern
Relationships with friends, family members, or toxic coworkers negatively affect how secure and safe you feel. Emotional and physical danger can limit your ability to love yourself and be confident. You can’t change other people’s toxic behavior, but you can find ways to limit its impact on you.
Recognizing that you are experiencing something toxic is the first step toward getting out of a bad situation. If you’re ready to make changes, you may need time and support to get started. It’s not about self-blame but about looking at what you need to do to protect your emotions and, in some cases, physical health. Being in an unhealthy situation can also affect how you treat other people. Working on changing your behaviors benefits you and the people with whom you could have a positive relationship. If you’re in a romantic relationship and your partner is willing to work with you on the relationship, couples counseling, couples coaching, and retreats could be helpful.
When you recognize that a situation is unhealthy, you can begin to work on how to change your behavior patterns. You cannot change your friends, family, or coworkers, but you can work on yourself. Change can take time, and it is a process. You may have to completely get out of the situation first before you can start to heal from it. But healing is possible, and so is having healthy relationships. If you want to learn more about how therapy can support you on your emotional self-care and healing journey, visit here.
