Start Loving Yourself as Much as You Love Others
Have you ever said "I love you" out loud to yourself?
It might seem odd if you haven't said it before, but it's a first step to loving yourself. And once you say it out loud, you might wonder why you haven't said it before. It's not just about the words. The goal is to gain clarity about what you love about yourself and to feel gratitude and the value in who you are at this very moment. When you love yourself, you can connect to the beauty of all of your quirks and imperfections. In those moments, you are expressing feeling thankful for being you.
Self-love is self-compassion
Saying "I love you" out loud to yourself may feel unusual, but it's also empowering, and most likely, it's something you need to hear. Sometimes, we can neglect to give ourselves our love. Loving yourself can come in many forms, like appreciation, self-care, and even forgiveness. Self-love is a way to be compassionate to yourself and supports mental and emotional wellness. We can forgive others so much easier than we can forgive ourselves- so it's empowering and comforting to speak the words out loud to ourselves. You need to hear the message the same way because it can be healing and inspiring. Loving yourself out loud without apology can build your confidence. Learning to give yourself love and grace can also uplift your mental and emotional health.
The path to love starts early in life
Your lessons about love began early in life before you had any words to describe the connections between you and other people. Your caregivers' attachments weren't initially loving, but they helped build what you eventually feel and know about love. Sometimes those experiences are positive and healthy, and sometimes they aren't. Women generally experience greater expectations to be caregivers. So loving and taking care of others more than you love yourself can become ingrained pretty early on. Maybe you did not get clear messages about how to love yourself or why it was necessary. But there are ways to work on growing to love yourself more.
Five ways to grow your self-love:
Begin by understanding how your experiences have shaped the way you love- before we can change behaviors, we need to understand how they started in the first place. Take the time to explore your history with love.
Work towards loving yourself unconditionally – It takes ACTUAL work to love yourself without conditions or restrictions. You can be honest about where you have room to grow without beating yourself up. You can also learn to look at how some of your imperfections may actually be what makes you special.
Be kind to yourself – You’re not perfect, you make mistakes, don’t have all the answers, and it’s okay. You still deserve your own love, and you deserve grace too. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes and create more pressure than we need to.
Find inspiration – We can find the inspiration to love ourselves in lots of different ways. Sometimes you need a small reminder, and other times you may need a full thesis paper. Finding things, people, and places that inspire you when you feel out of love can help you remember how to love yourself truly.
Don’t go it alone- There isn’t anything wrong with alone time to reflect. But working through what might be getting in the way of you loving yourself may take some objectivity. It’s much harder to be objective about ourselves. People can be highly self-critical, and those distortions can get in the way of seeing your value.
Self-love builds confidence
Loving yourself helps build confidence because it allows you to appreciate your value once you see it. Being confident in who you are even when you're imperfect is powerful, but it's not easy. It takes us years to become who we are, and it can take years to become who we want to be. But discovering that person can also be exciting. Confidence can build from feeling like you are your authentic self.
I've seen people experience so much more joy when they figure out what they want to do and then do it. At times, they may face challenges pursuing their goals but what keeps them going reflects who they are. They know that they are worth the effort, want to go after something meaningful, and love themselves enough to fight for what they want. Whether that's saving to buy their own home, building their business, or building healthier relationships, knowing that they are doing something for themselves boosts their confidence.
Practice loving yourself often and out loud
Saying "I love you" may feel weird at first but try doing it at least once a day for the next week. Don't just say it in your head or whisper it, but say it out loud where you can hear it. When you say it, add in at least one reason why. Give yourself an example, be as specific as possible, and mean it. Allow yourself to say it and feel that love, the way you might feel it for other people. Take a minute to appreciate how it feels to acknowledge loving yourself and be grateful for who you are. You do not need to be perfect to deserve your own love and compassion. If you are struggling with how to build self-love, compassion, and confidence visit here to work with one of our therapists.
